


Are You Happy?

by ShyVioletCat



Series: Are You Happy? [1]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-01-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22359595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShyVioletCat/pseuds/ShyVioletCat
Summary: Rowan needs to come to terms with a massive change happening in his marriage. Unfortunately he''s not at hi best.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien/Rowan Whitethorn, Rowaelin - Relationship
Series: Are You Happy? [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1609549
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

Rowan didn’t know what to say.

Yrene had confirmed what Aelin had suspected. She was pregnant.

She had taken a test bought from the pharmacy about a week ago. The line had been faint so Rowan insisted they get it confirmed by a doctor before they did anything more. So Aelin had gone for a blood test and the result had come back positive. Now Aelin was crying, Yrene was beaming, but Rowan… He didn’t know what to feel.

Rowan hadn’t said anything since they’d left Yrene’s examination room, now they were in the car and he still hadn’t said a word. Aelin just kept staring at the test results, like she couldn’t believe it was real, quiet laughter bubbling out every now and then. Rowan wasn’t sure if he wanted it to be real.

They pulled into the driveway and Aelin went to get out of the car but she stopped when she saw that Rowan hadn’t made a move to do so. He hadn’t even taken his hands off the steering wheel.

“Rowan, is everything all right?”

Rowan let his hands drop, his only response.

“Are you happy?” Aelin asked tentatively.

“I… Yes,” he lied. His voice sounded hollow in his own ears.

Aelin was quiet for a few moments, then she said, “You sure don’t sound like it.”

Rowan turned off the ignition.

“We wanted this Rowan, why aren’t you happy?”

“ _We_? We wanted this?” Rowan’s voice had taken on an incredulous tone. “You wanted this. I had a a different opinion on the subject.”

“But you agreed that I should stop the contraception, that we should start trying,” Aelin said. Rowan could hear the emotion building in her voice. “You never said anything about not wanting a baby.”

“I didn’t think it would happen this quick,” Rowan said. “You don’t understand.”

“I would if you just explained this to me. Explained why you aren’t happy about this baby,” Aelin almost pleaded.

“I just… I don’t know.” It was another lie. Rowan knew exactly why this news had left him in a whirlwind of turmoil. Last time his wife had been pregnant she had died. She and the baby had both died. It had been his fault and he had been so ashamed by it he’d never told Aelin the full story. How he had been too drunk to drive home, but Lyria couldn’t because it made her feel so sick she would vomit. So Rowan had driven, then he’d run the red light, not even seeing that it was there. Lyria and the baby had died. He hadn’t. Aelin knew that his previous wife had been killed by a drunk driver. She just didn’t know it was him.

“That’s a lie,” Aelin said. She was crying now. “That’s a lie, I can tell. Why are you lying to me?”

 _Because I am ashamed_ , he wanted to say.

Instead he said nothing. This wasn’t fair on Aelin. She was so happy about this baby. But all Rowan felt was shame and grief. He couldn’t dissociate it from Aelin, from the baby, _their_ baby. All he felt was a crushing weight in his chest.

“I think I’ll stay at Fen’s tonight,” Rowan said.

Aelin let out a broken sob and Rowan’s heart cracked at the sound. A quiet voice told him he should stay, talk to Aelin and tell her everything. But his shame was louder. It drowned out everything. Rowan did’t hear the words Aelin was saying to him, he barely heard the door slam as she left the car. All he heard was a hollow emptiness inside his mind that raged with an icy wind that sang the songs of his failings.

He started the car and pulled out of their driveway and didn’t look back. Aelin deserved better than him and Rowan didn’t know what to do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

That icy wind in his mind kept raging as he drove to Fenrys’ house. Only now there was another verse berating him for leaving Aelin. Rowan parked on the street and turned off the car. The walk to the front door felt like it went on for miles as he tried to figure out what he would say to Fenrys when he asked why he here. Rowan took in a deep breath and then he knocked. It only took Fenrys a few moments to come to the door. When he opened it he had a look of surprise on his face.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Rowan said back, his voice devoid of any feeling.

Fenrys picked up on his tone and his brow furrowed and he stepped aside to let Rowan in without another word. Rowan went straight to the living room and sat on an armchair his face falling into his hands. Fenrys sat on the couch and turned the TV off.

“What’s wrong?” Fenrys was genuinely concerned.

Rowan didn’t say anything for a few moments. Not sure if he should tell Fenrys why exactly why he was here. But he had known Rowan when he’d been married to Lyria, Fenrys knew everything.

“Aelin’s pregnant,” Rowan said, his hands rubbing at his face.

“Wow,” Fenrys said and then let out a short laugh. “That’s fantastic, congrats man.”

When Rowan didn’t say anything Fenrys looked at him, scrutiny in his eyes.

“You don’t seem too pleased about it,” was all Fenrys said.

That was enough for Rowan to tell Fenrys everything that had happened, the doctors office, the car ride, what he’d said once they arrived home. When Rowan looked at his friend his face was livid.

“You’re not serious right now,” Fenrys said, disbelief lacing every word.

Rowan sat up a bit straighter. “Just what happened with Lyria…”

“It was a terrible thing to happen. But I can’t believe you haven’t told Aelin yet. Gods Rowan, that’s not something you leave out. Now you’re punishing Aelin for something that she knows nothing about.”

“I’m not… I didn’t mean to…” Rowan stammered. Shame washed over him in new crushing waves.

“You need to get the hell out, Rowan. Go home to your wife and tell her everything. Pull your head out of your arse and stop hurting the woman you love because you can’t…” Fenrys didn’t finish his sentence, he just shook his head.

Rowan did as Fenrys told him, he knew Fenrys was right. Rowan left without another word and went back to his car. But he didn’t start it, he couldn’t bring the hand with his keys in it to the ignition. He just needed a little more time to think, he rationalised to himself. The car started, but it wasn’t home that he drove to. It was a bar on the edge of town.

He ordered a beer to calm his nerves, and when that didn’t work he ordered another. Rowan was in far too deep when he realised that it wasn’t his nerves he was trying to calm, he was drowning his sorrows. Desperate to block out the shame that echoed in his ears. His phone buzzed with a text. An apology from Fenrys. He didn’t need to apologise, he’d done nothing wrong. But it was then Rowan realised he shouldn’t be here, he should be at home with his wife, celebrating the new life that they had created.

Rowan left his glass half full on the table, swaying a little as he stood. What he hadn’t realised was that he was drunk. He hadn’t bothered to count his beers in his stupor and had drunk much more than was legal for him to now be getting behind the steering wheel of his car. While he drove he reached for his phone, just so he could tell Aelin he was coming home to her. He needed to apologise, he needed to make things right. Those icy winds in his mind had quieted and he came to the realisation he had been wrong. So wrong.

Rowan didn’t see the traffic light flick to red. 

He did see the lights of the car as they came speeding towards him towards his door.

In those few seconds of blinding light Rowan realised he was too late.


	3. Chapter 3

Aelin lay on the bed. She had cried until her tears dried up and she couldn’t cry anymore, even if she wanted to. She didn’t understand why Rowan wasn’t happy about this baby. Why hadn’t he said anything before about not wanting to start a family? Why did he wait until it was too late? Something was wrong, Aelin knew it. She had never seen Rowan act this way before. It was as if he had completely shut himself off from her something he had never done before.

Picking up her phone Aelin checked the time. Rowan had been gone for a few hours. She decided to call him, ask him to come home and talk. The phone didn’t even ring, it went straight to voicemail. Aelin tried again but she got the same result. She called Fenrys next who picked up after two rings.

“Have you called to thank me?” He said by ways of greeting.

“For what?” Aelin asked.

“For kicking your dumb husband out of my house and back to you,” Fenrys explained.

“He’s not here,” Aelin said. Her stomach dropped, she felt sick, like her body could sense something was wrong. “How long ago did Rowan leave?”

There was a beat of silence. “More than an hour ago.”

“Then where is he? He’s not answering my calls,” Aelin’s voice was starting to rise in panic.

“Calm down, Ae. He’s probably gone somewhere to cool off,” Fenrys said soothingly.

Aelin took in a deep breath. Of course. There was no reason to overreact.

“I’ll try and call him again,” Aelin said.

“You call me when you get onto him, yeah?”

“I will, bye.” Aelin hung up and was about to tap on Rowan’s number when an unknown number flashed up on the screen. She answered it. “Hello?”

“Ms Galathynius, I’m calling from Orynth General Hospital. I need to inform you that your husband has been involved in a serious car accident. You need to get here as soon as you can.”

Aelin dropped her phone, the shock hitting her deep in the chest. When she picked it up again the phonecall had been ended. She couldn’t believe it but there in her recent calls there it was. With a shaking hand she managed to call Fenrys.

“You find him?” Fenrys asked. Aelin didn’t say anything, she just burst into tears. “I’m coming Aelin. I’m coming right now, I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Fenrys hung up and Aelin curled up on the bed and waited.

Aelin didn’t move until Fenrys started pounding on the door. She got up unsteadily, grabbing her handbag on the way, she flung the door open and didn’t give Fenrys a chance to come inside.

“What —“

“We need to get to the hospital right now,” Aelin said moving for his car. “Rowan’s been in a car accident.”

Fenrys swore as he ran for the drivers side of the car and started it up. Aelin silently wept the whole trip there trying not to think the worst. But she did. Over and over. She hadn’t even realised they had arrived until Fenrys was opening her door. He helped her out of the car and held onto her hand. When they got to the reception it was Fenrys who asked at the window for Rowan.

“Aelin?”

Aelin turned to see Yrene walking towards them.

“I’m on the hospital shift tonight,” she explained before Aelin could ask her about it why she was here. “Come with me.”

Aelin followed down the halls right into the intensive care unit. Yrene led them to a room pushed the door open. Fenrys caught her as Aelin’s legs gave out as she took in the sight before her. Rowan was lying in the bed, so many machines and monitors hooked up to him. Hot tears wet her cheeks.

“We had to put him in a medically induced coma because of his injuries,” Yrene said quietly.

It was Fenrys who asked what Aelin could not, “When will he wake up?”

“We can’t be sure,” Yrene said. “All we can do is wait.”

_2 months later…_

Aelin stretched her toes out of the water of her bath. The water was getting uncomfortably cool but she couldn’t bring herself to get out. She’d flicked the hot water back on twice already to bring it back to a warm and soothing temperature. She would have preferred it near scalding but that wasn’t good for the baby. Beneath the water Aelin smoothed her hand over her growing bump. She had just started to show, partly because of the weight she had lost due to stress and morning sickness. In a few days she had her 12 weeks scan, the first time she would see her baby. And Rowan wouldn’t be there. She would be getting her scan a few hallways away while Rowan lay in his bed, unconscious. Aelin wiped at the tears the slipped from her eyes. She was tired of crying about this. She was tired of waiting for Rowan to wake up. She was tired because this baby seemed to me leeching all her energy.

In the early days of Rowan’s coma Aelin had tried staying at the hospital, but her morning sickness had hit her in full force and she could barely sleep in the chair in his room. So Yrene had banished her to very strict visiting hours, if she would not keep to them she threatened to have her admitted as well, just to force her to stop and look after herself and the baby. Aelin had relented for the sake of the baby. And as the days dragged into weeks and now the weeks into months, her family and friends had come up with a roster so that someone could be with him. If Aelin recalled correctly it would be Fenrys with him today.

Aelin shivered as the water started to chill her and with a sigh she stood up and got out of the bath. Wrapping a towel around her, Aelin walked to her room. She dressed in a soft tshirt dress that hugged over her stomach. Her phone was facedown on the bed and when she picked up she was surprised to see so many missed calls. There were at least five from the hospital, ten from Fenrys. The first was from over an hour ago. Aelin almost dropped her phone when it started ringing, Fenrys’ name popping up.

“Fen?”

“He’s awake Aelin, Rowan’s awake,” Fenrys said.

Aelin was running, she grabbed her keys and ran. She didn’t stop running until she used the doorway of Rowan’s room to swing herself into it.

Rowan was awake.

Her breathing was heavy as he turned, smiling at her. He was conscious, sitting up, and smiling. Aelin couldn’t believe her eyes. She took one step. And then another and another. Then her hands were tracing the harsh lines of his face, his lips. She was kissing him before she realised what she was doing. Then it all came back to her, how stupid he had been, how he had hurt her. The sound of her hand slapping his face echoed in the room. Aelin gasped, her stinging hand flying to her chest as Rowan closed his eyes and groaned at the pain.

“Oh gods, I’m so sorry,” Aelin whispered, behind her she could hear Fenrys laughing. “I’m so sorry Rowan.”

“I think I deserved that, Fireheart,” Rowan whispered. His voice was so hoarse, so raspy, it didn’t sound like her Rowan at all.

“It’s the hormones,” Fenrys supplied, trying to diffuse the tension. It earned him a snort of laughter from Aelin.

That seemed to spark something in Rowan’s mind and his eyes were searching her over, no doubt taking in the weight lost around her face and just about everywhere else on her body. His eyes lingered on her stomach, pronounced thanks to the tightness of her dress. He reached out a trembling hand. Aelin met Rowan half way and took his hand in hers and pressed it against her stomach. Rowan let out a shuddering breath.

“I’m so sorry, Aelin,” Rowan’s voice broke as he spoke, from disuse and the fact that he now had tears streaming down his cheeks. “I…”

Rowan’s voice faded into nothing. Aelin laid her hand over his where it rested on her stomach, the other went to his cheek her thumb rubbing gently over his cheek bone. There would be time to have it out, to talk about what was looming over them. But right now Rowan was awake and with her, and that’s all that mattered.


End file.
